By: Attorney Alexis L. Doree
In custody cases, one common question is: “At what age can a child choose which parent to live with?” It’s a question filled with myths and misunderstandings, especially among parents who want their child’s voice heard, and those worried about losing custody.
In North Dakota, courts weigh a child’s preferences alongside what’s in their best interests. This blog clears up common myths about whether a child can choose where to live and explains how judges take their input into account.
Myth: Children Can Choose Which Parent to Live With Once They Reach a Certain Age
A common misconception is that once a child reaches a certain age—usually 12 or 14—they have the legal right to choose which parent to live with and that the Court will automatically honor that choice.
This is not true. North Dakota law does not give children an absolute right to choose their custodial parent at any specific age.
Reality: The Child’s Preference Is One Factor Among Many in Custody Decisions
Under North Dakota law, custody decisions are guided by the best interests of the child (N.D.C.C. § 14-09-06.2). A child’s preference is one of 13 factors the court may consider—but it is not determinative.
The North Dakota Supreme Court has explained that while the preference of a child “of sufficient age” may carry more weight as the child grows older, it remains only one part of the broader analysis. The court consistently emphasizes that a child’s best interests—not their wishes—are the top priority in any custody decision.
What does “sufficient age” mean?
The term “sufficient age” is deliberately broad to allow courts flexibility. Rather than focusing solely on the child’s numerical age, judges evaluate the child’s overall maturity, emotional development, and ability to understand the custody situation. They also consider the reasons behind the child’s preference to determine how much weight to give it. This approach helps ensure the child’s wishes are respected appropriately, without letting age alone dictate the outcome.
How Judges Consider a Child’s Preference
North Dakota courts look at several factors when weighing a child’s preference, including:
- The child’s age and maturity
- Whether the child’s preference is the result of manipulation or undue influence by one parent
- Whether the preference is consistent and stable over time
- How the preference fits with the child’s overall best interests, including their emotional, physical, and educational needs
What Should Parents Do?
- Respectfully listen to your child’s feelings about custody, but remember the court’s decision will always be based on the child’s best interests—not just their preferences.
- Never put your child in the middle of a conflict or pressure them to choose a side. This can seriously damage both your case and, more importantly, your child’s emotional health.
- If you believe your child is mature enough, talk to your attorney about whether the court will consider their preference and how to present it.
- Consider requesting an appointment with a guardian ad litem or custody evaluator to speak with your child privately and provide the court with an objective assessment of their wishes and emotional well-being.
Conclusion
If you’re involved in a custody dispute and want to understand how your child’s preferences may affect your case, it’s important to consult with an experienced family law attorney who can guide you through the process and help protect your child’s best interests. Please contact our office at +1 (701) 775-0654 or email us at lawinfo@rosenquistlawoffice.com to schedule a free consultation today.
*The information in this article and on this website is for informational purposes only. This information is not legal advice and should not be relied upon.
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